Her Royal Drunkenness
by tegan morrison
Summary: Mia gets drunk, with funny results. repost PLEASE REVEIW
1. The Bad Soda strikes again

Mia squinted. She tried to turn the room the right way around. Was everything supposed to be upside down? Even through her groggy state she still manages to distinguish the figure of her boyfriend Michael walking towards her.

"Mia, are you okay?" He asked whilst trying to balance her. Mia smiled drunkenly. "Just dandy" She said as she hiccupped. The distinctive smell of rum wafted from her breathe now ready for Michael's suspicious sense of smell to pick up. Michael looked nervously at Mia, recognising the scent from the constant parties on campus.

Michael closed his eyes, he began an internal monologue "She isn't drunk she can't be drunk!" she said to himself. He opened his eyes again and focused fiercely on Mia. "Ok Mia. What have you drunken today?" He hoped desperately for some kind of recognition of her sobriety.

Mia smiled again. "Just some pretty bubbly stuff. It was quiet nice oh, and the thing Johnny drinks in that Pirates Movie, I can see why he's always drunk!" Michael closed his eyes again hoping to calm himself with his convoluted logic. "No, She is not drunk. She just had some bad soda. Soda doesn't make you tipsy but its better then the alcohol theory." He reopened his eyes and looked down at his hopeless girlfriend.

Mia was re adjusting her tiara until it sat at a very unroyal angel, fearing it would slide off Michael pushed it back slightly so it sat at least half right on her forehead. Bored with the questions and still under the wonderful impression of the 'bad soda' she started playing with his bow-tie. Michael slapped away her playful fingers, finally coming to the conclusion that there was no way that he could diffuse the situation without first knowing what it was.

"Ok, Mia. No-offence but as you boyfriend it's my duty to ask you this. Are you drunk?" Mia burped loudly. She began to reek of champagne and rum. He couldn't help himself, his fear which quickly turned to anger rose up and escaped in the form of words. "You're drunk!" He shouted. He went into immediate panic mode. Mia didn't notice she was too busy playing with his bow tie.

Mia felt the world swing from under her feet again. Just as she wondered whether the ballroom was supposed to do that she fell very ungracefully to the marble floor. Michael half caught her. Momentarily her drunken stupor subsided and was replaced with that warm fizzy feeling she got from Michael wrapping his harms around her, suddenly the ballroom stopped moving but unfortunately her stomach hadn't. He heaved and held back her inevitable unprincess-like vomit.

"Mia? Mia!!" he whispered earnestly concerned, pulling the stray strands of hair away from her pale face. She looked lazily up at Michael and hiccuped quite happy to sit on the floor and sway to the sound of the orchestra.

"We have to hide you! If your dad sees you like this were BOTH dead and I'll be held in a Genovian jail cell and you'll be sent to some French nunnery until everyone dies and you have to claim the throne!" Michael said franticly trying to scoop Mia up and maintain as much of her dignity as possible. Michael really did think he was going to die.

Mia thought for a moment and proudly came up with a slightly slurred but still reasonably witty reply. "The nunnery, I doubt. I'll most likely be sentenced to marry Prince Philippe which should be as bad as death for you, me being your one and only and you'll be whacked by Joe's friends. Anyway _you _didn't get me loaded!" Michael gave up on the whole scooping thing grabbed her arm and began leading her roughly to into the bathroom. He locked the door behind him and seated her on the countertop, after he pushed the irritating number of vases overflowing with flowers away to make room.

"Mia, one meaning of that phrase isn't related to alcohol!" he said slightly embarrassed that his girlfriend had made an unknown pass at seduction. He sucked in sharp breath as he heard some French guards begin murmuring into their walkie-talkies outside the door. He had to get her in and out fast or Joe would wonder why he was trying to clean Mia up or worse what the hell he was doing with her in the bathroom in the first place. Although he kind of hoped that he would of tagged Michael as a more romantic guy. Quickies in over flowered bathrooms were not his style. Michael really didn't like the idea trying to explain to Mia's dad why they were in a bathroom together. He pulled a handtowel from the rack, dampened it and began to press it around Mia's face. It turned into jabbing as he drifted in and out of his thoughts of possible torture. Mia began trying to slap Michaels evil hand towel away without allot of luck. All that it was accomplishing was making her stomach turn on her again.

"Stop jabbing at me! The world is mucked up enough without you randomly pushing a towel up against me. Why do bloody royals always have to overpay with their parties? I mean what's the use of making everything swirly?" Mia's thoughts became swirly too, drifting onto more interesting ideas. "s this what getting high is like?" Michael dropped the towel onto Mia's lap and glared as she was about to indigently say something.

He continued to pat her face with the towel, less for it being a proven hangover cure and moreso for him having a lack of a better idea. "I don't know what getting high is like Mia. I doubt you do ether. God I never thought I'd have this conversation with you!" Mia smiled, she couldn't help but enjoy the moment, she was alone in a pretty room with her boyfriend whose neck smelled as lovely as usual.

She was completely and utterly alone with her wonderful boyfriend and she still had the warm courage of alcohol to help her on her way to becoming a REAL woman. "You know Michael you look really hot right now!" She stopped short and reran that sentence in her head. That was her big line? How dumb! She wanted to kick herself. "Thank you" he said whilst he continued patting her face. He tried focused even harder on the towel. He then stopped and looked at Mia.

"Mia there is no way that I can hide all the drunken evidence and unless you want every single member of the international press to have headlines Princess Mia, Her Royal Drunkenness - then I suggest you make a hasty excuse to leave and tell your mom that you sleeping over at Lilly's, ok?" Mia pretended to look disappointed. But she was smiling on the inside. Lilly wouldn't want to leave and Joe has the night off and is hitting on her French teacher who is wearing a very alluring low cut gown. Being alone in a whole apartment with her boyfriend seemed like an awfully good upgrade to the pollen filled bathroom. Maybe this won't turn out such a bad night after all.

"Oh ok. If you say so" Michael nervously noted the almost happy tone in her voice. A headline that Mia was drunk was one thing but a headline that Princess Mia had been knocked up by some American guy was completely another.

He guided Mia through the human obstacle course before her. He was on his game, dodging both diplomats and social climbers with fake boobs. He was searching for the familiar face of Mia's mother. He spotted her glaring at Mia's father and pretending to drink her fruit punch.

"Ok. Mia. Focus. Try not to sway or swear. You're sleeping over at Lilly's house. Ok? Ok! Lets go." He guided her to what he hoped wouldn't be their undoing. Mia took a breath knowing her mother wouldn't question her in the least.

"Mom, I'm sleeping over at Lilly's" Michael began breathing again when he mother waved her hand gaily in Mia's direction and then turned to smile approving before looking back at the newly spotted algebra teacher with a ringless wedding finger.

Mia hiccuped, before the incriminating smells wafted up to the knowing nose of her parent Michael immediately began leading her away. He found his car and led Mia by her shoulders into the front seat. "Ok. We can stop by your place and pick up some night things and your first of many bottles of water for the night". Mia wasn't listening. She was plotting her very romantic night with her boyfriend. Just as long as this warm feeling that seemed to scare away any doubts or nagging common sense she would be sure to have fun.

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_I don't own the Princess Diaries.  
repost_


	2. The boyleg breifs or the camisole

They drove in utter silence, Michael was too busy trying to plan an escape route out of the United States if worst came to worst, well not really, at that precise moment he was slightly more afraid of Mia's new found alcohol fuelled confidence and his will power to resist his pretty girlfriend. Mia was consumed in her own thoughts too, wondering where she hid her black cotton bra, she gave up on sexy two McDonald's ago, she'd settle for clean non mothball smelling underwear.

Michael pulled up into Mia's driveway, and took a deep breath in. "Ok, in and out in 30 seconds. Just grab something to wear for the night because I highly doubt that gown is going to be comfortable. Don't forget your water and your toothbrush" he finished and looked back through the window. He couldn't focus on Mia for long periods of time, the longer he looked at her the more he wanted to hug her. She looked so pretty, her light pink gown flattered her perfectly, her hair was falling out of it's complicated twisty style and her jewelled tiara was tilted too far forward and too far to the left, her sleepy smile only made her seem that much more lovely to him. She had some complicated clumsy charm that glittered and warmed all those who loved her, especially him.

Mia quickly ran up to her room. She cured herself for creating an obstacle of thrown clothes and abandoned algebra books around her floor. Fat Louie meowed from the dark corner of her room, rushed and nervous she filled the bowl and looked around her room desperately. She couldn't help her negative thoughts seeping into her mind, "You'd think after turning fifteen and having a serious boyfriend for over a year I would think of picking up something that didn't have Queen Amidala on it just in case. I mean how hard can it be to pick up one of those black and red lacy bra set things while I was passing through a freaking mall" she whispered desperately to herself. Her riffled through her underdraw and found her bonds cotton boy briefs which served as pyjamas on many a hot summer's night. She couldn't think of a better alternative for her prospective night of passion with her one true love, so she was a getting a little ahead of herself, she but she thought she was allowed to.

"MIA!!" Michael screamed. He was getting continually more frightened of Mia's mother walking in. He never thought he'd be in the situation where he would have to explain to a parent what exactly he was doing within the vicinity of their drunken daughter in their abandoned house which she was most likely half naked in her room. "Mia! Come on!" He finally heard the somewhat relieving sounds of her coming down the stairs.

After many desperate frantic minutes of searching it came down to her cotton black boy leg briefs which smelled suspiciously like kitty litter or a singlet/camisole with some lace trim. She settled for a plain white lacy singlet and plain white underwear. She tried to perk herself up by cracking a lame joke to herself about Michael soon enough realising that the only difference between her chest and stomach was the presence of a belly button.

"MIA, COME ON ALREADY! WE ARE NOT GOING TO THE PROM AGAIN WE ARE GOING OVER TO MY PLACE TO SLEEP AND SOBER UP!" Yelled a completely and utterly annoyed Michael. Mia recognised her tone and smiled to herself as she zipped up her tracksuit pullover, she could fix that.

"COMING!" Sang Mia happily and she started her walk down the stairs to the living room. Halfway down she did a mock runway turn and struck a pose, Michael looked less then impressed. For the first time of the night the hilariously of his situation sunk in and he chuckled to himself, he looked up to face her and flashed her the most beautiful smile. "its love!" she whispered to herself after she caught a glimpse of those brown peat bog eyes and felt herself being pulled in, in her happy drunken daze she missed her step and fell over the remaining stairs in a very unprincess like fashion. She tried to regain some dignity as she did a half bounce back up and tried to walk as non phased as possible to the door. Michael however remained perfect gentlemen, picked up her backpack and her bottle of water and nudged her in the direction of the car.

Michael realised that she might of herself or perhaps her pride, none the less her slightly fall did promt an "Are you okay?". He asked as he looked at her carefully. No major bruises were visible. Mia was looking Michael. He like that look, he felt like a piece of meat, worse yet, he liked it. He tried so hard to think about the most unsexy thing he come up with. His mind wandered onto children. He started an internal pep talk, involving his possible love child and Doopack in a pink string bikini.

By the time they'd made it back to the car, DooPack in a bikini had turned into Mia in frilly French knickers. This was a turning point for Michael, for once he truly wondered if he could control himself. His bow-tie began to chafe. He helped her into the car, and shut her door breathing in the crisp night air hoping it would cool his jets, literally. He loved Mia, he wanted their first time to be really special. He wanted all those fantasies to some true for her.  
That stuff that was published in girly magazines about the Earth moving and the earth moving and the roses and the chocolates. That's what he wanted for her, for the Earth to move, for her to see stars. Not for her to throw up all over him while he was pushing down against his very sexy star ships patterned sheets. She was too good for that. He had to be strong. He turned to make sure that all was well with Mia before he pulled out, she smiled at him and that fuzzy feeling that she gave him returned. He realised how much trouble he was in. This time he turned on the radio hoping that the sounds of Youth Group could calm their jumpy nerves. 

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I don't own the Princess Diaries.


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